I started thinking about lies; more specifically the lies that we believe every day. I think that since we're our own worst critics, we entertain lies about ourselves more easily than lies about others, which is why Satan whispers them so quietly in our ears. The more you listen to a lie, the more truth you start seeing in that lie, even if there's no truth to be found in it. You start shaping your view of things around that lie, until you believe it whole heartedly and you don't even realize it's a lie you're believing. You simply think "that's just the way it is". I believe that every single corruption in the world comes from the root of a lie that somebody has believed.
I've been thinking about this post for over a month, trying to decide if what I had to say was the right the thing to say. I've never been so stressed about a post. Not because I'm worried of what you're going to think of me, or that I won't reach anybody with it, but because it means a lot to me. I could write about lies we all believe about our looks, our weight, our clothes. I could write about how I compare myself to other blog moms on the daily, and I just don't know why my life isn't as bright and shiny as Naomi's (how does she do it?), and why can't I DIY everything, and be a perfect housewife, and keep my nails perfectly manicured while hand cutting every valentine for Fern's V-day party next month... I could write about all of that. But I suspect that those are things we all deal with, and we're very aware of.
I decided to tell you about the lie I believed about my role as a woman in the church. I grew up in a conservative church. Not the most conservative, I mean, I didn't have to wear a dress to worship, and our ministers let us clap to the upbeat songs, but still.. very conservative. One of the beliefs my church followed was that a woman's role in the church was under a mans. A man is the leader of the church, as he is in his marriage. Women are allowed to teach children's classes, or lead women's retreats, but women are not to lead a prayer in worship, or teach a class with men present. Women are not allowed to lead singing, or be a minister, or an elder, or a youth minister. Women are not to hold any leadership role in the church.
I know what you're thinking, right? In a 21st century, equal rights, women can do anything men can do, world.. yeah. I know what you're thinking. But before you start trying to find out the location of this church so you can picket it topless for equal rights, let me urge you to keep in mind: The church is not the enemy here. I respect the views of the church I grew up in. No, I don't agree with them, but I know where their heart is in the matter and I assure you, it's not to belittle women or treat them like they're lesser. They don't teach that. They don't teach that, but that's what Satan started whispering in my ear. I know plenty of women in that church who are amazing leaders, and still stay within the boundaries of the beliefs of that church. So let's not place blame there. That's just another lie Satan will try to tell you to get you to a hate an entire denomination of his followers. No sir. We won't do that.
When I was 17 & 18 years old I spent my summer in Guyana, South America helping the poor be treated by doctors in a medical camp. I trained for 9 months after I graduated High School to be sent out with a team to another country to minister to them for 18 months. I went to New Zealand. The whole time I was doing these things, Satan was whispering to me, that I'm a woman and I'm wasting my time. I can't pray with that person, I can't teach this person. After years of hearing that, I believed it. I came back home from New Zealand, defeated. Feeling like, I made some great friendships there, but on a spiritual level, maybe I should give up missions.
I left the church I grew up in after returning from New Zealand, but I have yet to find a church family. I've been home for 6 years. After several years of visiting churches who believe that women can, and should be leaders, I realized the lie I had been believing all that time. After being in these churches, I realized how hard it was for me to overcome, which is probably why I still haven't committed myself to a church yet. (despite finding several wonderful ones) After a while of not being in community, and not feeling like I could be an active member of the church, I started believing the lie that God wasn't listening to me at all, even when I was alone. I stopped praying. I believed in God, but I didn't believe that I was a person of significance to Him. I still have to give myself speeches before praying to work myself up to do it. It's work. It takes a lot of effort for me to hang on to my beliefs, and I believe that's because Satan is still torturing me with those lies. Sometimes I still listen.
I don't believe that everyone is made to get up on the stage and lead a sermon. I don't like the attention being on me at all, as a matter of fact. But do you know what I DO want to do? I want have a normal conversation with my God wherever I want without having to schedule it, and remind myself that I'm allowed to talk to him. I want to go over to somebody who has a heart full of hurt, and I want to respectfully ask them if they'd like for me to pray for them, and then I want to pray for them. out loud. even if it's a man. I want be involved in serving my community. I don't mean just going, I want to be a leader in that. I want to set up, and take down, and bring food, or whatever. I want to have the ideas. I want to be active, and I want to be healed of being crippled by lies. Especially the lie that a woman's place in the church is quietly tucked away in the corners. Knowing the lie, isn't the same as overcoming the lie. Overcoming the lie, I've learned, can be a process. I have yet to overcome this lie, but I'm working on it. It's important to me, because I know I'm the example my daughter has, and I'm responsible for calling out the lies that she may hear, and I SURE don't want to be the inspiration for the lies she hears.
Last year I prayed in a small group of friends. A man was present. That's when I began to overcome the lie. I'm still working on my personal prayer life. We still aren't plugged in to a church.
I know we all have different lies that we believe, and whether or not you believe they're from Satan, or Santa, well that's for you to decide.. I'm not really in the business of convincing you to believe in my God today.. I just want people, who believe in everything or nothing, to stop believing in lies. Regardless of where they come from. Or at least, be aware of lies that you're being told. I want anyone to be able to recognize a lie that they're listening to, to call it out as what it is, and speak against it. That's not religious talk, it's just healthy.
Also, I think that these lies I've been believing have attributed to my severe state of introvert, and I just don't connect with people like I once did. I find it hard talking to people, and making friends is nearly impossible. I have a lot of friendly acquaintances at best, and a few that've stuck around since high school, God bless 'em. Despite this, I'm a great friend. I really am! Just letting you know that if you have lies you're struggling with, and maybe if you want to talk about them, even if they have nothing at all to do with the lies I've been believing, email me! We'll talk a bout them. I'll be your friend! Like for real friend, not like.. "I'm a blogger and I'll reply to your email after I get done instagraming my favorite coffee mug", but like seriously, email me. We'll talk. I'll give you my number. We'll text and encourage each other and you can look at the moon while I'm looking at the moon and we'll know we're looking at the same moon kind of friends. I'm THAT good of a friend. ;)
Also, Connect with Overcome the Lie! What a great organization. What a great way to get to know, and encourage other women who are overcoming lies. I love this organization! Connect with them via the links provided below:
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